Muppidi The Professional - Part 2

Muppidi - the traffic policeman (Traffic Policeman)

Muppidi the genius was pretty happy for the series I started yesterday. After a long and satisfied day when he was returning home yesterday he was caught up in traffic at RTC 'x' roads. His eyes fell on a paunchy(pedda potta) traffic policeman struggling to regulate traffic.

Touched by the scene, his heart went out to that profusely sweating Traffic Policeman and enlightened me that traffic is the main problem of a beautiful city like hyderabad and job of Traffic Policeman is the most challenging job on earth, atleast india. So here it goes -Muppidi nee kosam.... Muppidi the Traffic Policeman

(Flashback....)
Muppidi starts off from home in his cycle(0.15 CC) to the center of road (simple gaa cheppalante circle leka pote junction), which is what he proudly calls his office, where his favorite animal - bull is shitting and he shouts at the top of the voice to send it away (though it sees him as its own brother it doesnt move). Some time later, theres a big painful cry and bull's foot print is on Muppidi's back, the bull has shown its anger by kicking on that ( you know where) and the disturbed bull (from shitting) brays back ie. singing - ee road nadi raa, ee circle naadi raa, nuvvu evadu raa, nee pani emiti raa... (Lesson no 1 - take bath before going to work.)

Suddenly there's news that CM is coming through the circle, running for his life to avoid terrorists who are closely following, Muppidi gets into action. His habit of watching English movies, dreams of becoming Indian Jackie Chan ... His mind worked in jet speed, he 's gonna prove his stunts, by diverting the traffic so that CM has a safe and smooth traffic free drive.

Though his back is aching, he uses his tools - putting his big tummy out, metal plate in right hand, with a worn out whistle in mouth, keeps on blowing, till the traffic grows, and finally blocks all roads.

Now, the sirens beep is becoming louder, theres an array of security cars approaching, Muppidi has no idea how it happened. He has a walkie talkie, (which he assumes is a cell) by prefixing the code (040) (pata alavatu kada), he tries calling up his colleagues to ask for help. ... All that glitters are not cells.(Pattukunnavi anni Cells kavu).Now he s panting on the face and peeing in the pants, he knows he has screwed it to the core.

He curses himself, he has risked the CM's security. As if this was not enough, he starts with traffic clearance again, this time - traffic is filled with slower vehicles like rikshaws, bandi-wallahs, autos. Meanwhile two rounds of pistol shots are heard, he swings into action, he takes off his shirt, cuts his wrist (noo noo he's not committing suicide like Aarti Agarwal) his white shirt turns bloody red, he waves it front of his favorite pet ( by now he has taken bath and it has become friendly ...). The bull charges itself ahead and topples the shooter's vehicle and the usual climax.. shooters are caught...

Muppidi ... is the Jai Kishen (Indian Jackie chan)... Muppidi .. The Man(not pulsar) of "ippudu" (this) moment

After receiving the Bravery Award from Abdul Kalam (President not Pepsodent) in Delhi

Muppidi - The professional

Muppidi our protagonist was deeply disturbed by the next topic that I had suggested last week and wanted me to change it. His rationale was that only successful and thin-sexy people like the genius himself can consider matrimony. He further suggested that today's youth should concentrate on their career aspirations first. Taking cue from the genius I am starting a new series on howMuppidi would be if he takes various vocations. Muppidi suggested that we start with a waiter at a restaurant. So here it goes Muppidi nee kosam - A day in the life of Muppidi (waitor serving Idly in Dominoes).

Steaming idly, smoking sambhar, piping hot chutney and a customer shouting about the lizard in the sambhar. Muppidi enters the scene pacifying the customer "Saab hamare products bilkul non-toxic ingredients se banta hai". Otherwise would the lizard be alive? The cool customer becomes hot and slaps Muppidi right across the cheek, slightly later Muppidi's mother wakes him up asking why he was shouting "Vodilai, vodilai".

After his morning coffee, Muppidi gets ready and leaves for office in his brand new Pulsar 0.15 CC (they say it is "Definitely neither male nor female"). Once at office Muppidi changes into the dress consisting of a white dhoti folded at the knees and a white towel "thundu". No wonder there were so many young women waiting at the restaurant to give orders to the topless hairy chest of Muppidi - the genius.

Muppidi doesnt disappoint their eyes or their apetite. He serves food lightning fast and curiously enough many ladies wanted more and more chai. Muppidi has several records to his fame which make him such an excellent waiter. A few of them are listed below for aspirants

• Reciting the menu in 15 seconds
• Carrying 15 plates at a time
• Grinding 150 kgs of idly dough in 10 mins
• Cleaning 10 tables in 2 mins
• Washing a basket of dishes in 2 mins
• Last but not the least - eating 5 dozen idlies and 2 litre sambhar in 2 mins (he doesnt like to waste stuff. The human side of the genius)
  

After his busy breakfast session there is a journalist from Careers.com, who wants to interview Muppidi on being the sexiest waitor in Hyderabadan. The excerpts of the interview

• What do you think is the USP of your restaurant?
• The men, the food, the irani chai, in that order.
• The men, Can you explain that?
• One day I was having coffee at Barista with a gorgeous women. She said that she was bored by the coffee and the fully dressed boring men at the counters. (I was there to compensate for the boredom). But then I wanted to make it scalable, since I can not accompany every deserving girl. Then we decided to open this restaurant with sexy topless men like me serving food.
• What are your expansion plans?
• Hmm, we have heard that America lacks good looking men and we hope to open a few restaurants there.
• Can you explain the name of the restaurant "Udipi"?
• My name is Muppidi. We are starting a topless restaurant, with some sexy guys - so we removed M (top) and played around with the words to make it Udipi.

By this time, its time for lunch and another long session for satisfying "Hot" and "thirsty" women.

Please do direct any of your queries as comments to this blog. Muppidi will be taking a few of them today. Please also suggest any new vocations for future articles.

How Muppidi loses weight?

This blog is dedicated to the genius of muppidi. Muppidi for those who dont know is a humble, gentle, thin, sexy guy (yes - he says he is available, but his girl friend denies it). He is a colleague of me and the constant fun factor for us in office. When we requested that we document his genius he laid out one & only "okkadu" condition - we should start with describing his beauty and reveal the secrets behind that (no silly, we are not referring to his back side). So here it goes - Muppidi nee kosam

Before starting this blog let me take blessings from Lord Ganapathi - Muppidi's favourite lord.

Muppidi used to be an American in heart - he lived on burgers, sweet meats and the kind and was quite successful in having a very HEAVY personality. He had the record of being the youngest to reach 100kg in Andhra Pradesh at the young age of 12. But one day while he was at a disco, his hands accidentally hit the couple dancing next to him on the dance floor and both went "seeda aur chaurastha pe right leke seedha pahunchgaye allah ke paas".

This had a profound impact on not only the couple but Muppidi as well. He was left with two options - either avoid going to disco or become thin. He made quite a few calls to his friends discussing on what route to take. And that is exactly when he saw the weighing scale come to the lighter side of 100. He appointed "Chaurastha" detective agency to analyse his life style that week to find out what caused the sudden loss of weight.

Jumma Bhai - the chief detective found out that his extended conversations on the phone was the prime reason for losing weight. From that day Muppidi has been spending atleast 10 hrs on the phone everyday. He has been continuosly losing weight and has grown be to the sexy young man you see these days.

He has offered some tips on prolonging conversations
1. Give your number to every kind of credit card company, job placement company
2. Always have a speaker phone at your desk
3. Try to have two phones in your cubicle so that you can talk with your neighbour in phone
4. Always ask somebody to call you during dinner
5. Dont allow your maid to pick up the phone at home
....

More on special request.

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Next topic - Qualities needed in a guy to be considered for marriage.